Clear thought.

I decided to take a long break from MapleStory. Yeah, it's sad. Just moving away from it like that. I feel guilty, yet relieved. I wonder why... oh well, I just needed a break from it anyways. What I thought of today was, a clear thought about "wanting a change", and whatever things related to me referring to this statement. It's actually a total bullshit for me to say this kinda things, reason being that me myself am very, very hypocritic even to myself. Changes don't come when you keep repeatedly say about them. Instead, they come either where you least expect it to come, or maybe through one's hardwork. I have to admit that, I'm some sort of a Lotus Eater (We learn that story back on secondary school, talking about some guy that decides to have fun for his whole life and kill himself when he finished his money). Maybe? Or am I just a guy that needs more attention and love? Who knows? Even I myself don't know what I want or what I need.

P/S : Yeah, I'm just filling this blog up once in awhile. I always hope that you'd leave your comments here. Heh, feels like I'm looking for your symphathy or something yeah... Guess I should stop doing that you know. You are that one special person that... ah nevermind.

Forgive me, the girl who took my heart.

Guess in this situation, I've really become a failure. Failure to realize that... sometimes, if things weren't meant to be, it won't be as you hope for. The more you hope for, the bigger your disappointment. I was a fool to think that I could be with you. As you said last time... how are you going to be a couple together with a person you barely know in real life? Well, now I understood why. It's right. I guess I've been always putting too much real feelings into fake stuff. Thanks for the good times. It made me cheered up even when I was in the weakest state that time. I'll just cry and move on... Haha, how sissy of me. If you are reading this... I just wanna let you know that I think I've did the wrong thing to myself. I've fallen for you... but yet, it's barely impossible ya? I do hope that I was the guy in your checklist, but hey. I'm just a normal friend to you I guess. Words are just decorations, it can be fake yet true sometimes. But do know... Every word I said to you, was truly from my heart.

Just filling in the posts

I don't know what's happening actually. Sometimes, we just get really confused about what we want and where are we aiming to. Maybe this is what's happening to me? Nah... doesn't seem like it. I feel like... me everytime saying about "not motivated" or "no inspiration" these kinda stuff is... totally a big bullshit to myself. It's just me being lazy I guess... no. It's certain. Why am I so lazy? I can't blame others for it.

I guess really I should be making a change for myself. But how am I to start? I can't rely on anyone about this right?

What have I done this time?

Well yesterday, I decided to go to the CC where I work to get my pay for the day I worked. Since, the boss always comes at midnight, it's normal that I would stay there till he comes. *Without his approval I can't take my money* Anyways... I waited till 3am in the morning, till my mom called. I know it's no good I stay till such late times... but sometimes if it's something I have to do, I will do. Maybe it's just a mere RM30, but still. I have been promised this money 2 days ago and I still haven't received it. Shouldn't I do something about it? I don't know... Different people different thoughts.

Some say... not listening to your mother would bring you bad stuff. And yes... I'd second that, 'coz it happened to me. Woke up at 8am, but then I found myself sick... and really weak. Had no choice but to continue resting... and skipped class in the process. And when I woke up again, I'm like... seeing several images of clocks! Man... 1 shows 4pm, the other shows 2pm... what the hell man! First time in my entire life I face such a problem. Actually, I don't think it's a very serious matter... but me doing such stuff is really unforgiveable. I really wonder... where have my mind wandered off to?

Speaking of which... it's the first time I dreamed of something about fighting. Although I was winning in the dream... I don't want to have this kind of dream. I might be a short-tempered person, but still... I prefer peace more than any other person would want it.